I usually don’t post personal things like this, but I want to help people. So, don’t worry, I’ve been cut free for a couple of months and I’m proud of myself! I even had the courage to swim with bare legs a couple of days ago :) I’m just hoping my recovery story will give others strength to stop harming themselves.
I’ve been cutting on and off since I was 11. I’ve always been the fat kid and I guess I was never strong enough to accept the negative stigma fat people get daily. Cutting myself was a way of punishing myself for being…myself.
My cutting got significantly worse when I began to date a guy last year. I was in too deep before I got to experience his anger problem for myself. I was with a verbally abusive man for 9 months, and he destroyed the little girl I used to be, and I’m still trying to find her. I had developed depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. The guilt he made me feel was indescribable…but I loved him. My best friend finally pushed me to break it off, and things got worse before they got better. The harassment was endless.
My parents finally found out about the cutting, and that’s when I stopped. They had to check my body every other day, until they trusted me again. I’ve made some very minor scratches since then, but it’s still major progress from the damage I used to do :)
I thought it would be impossible. After I stopped my anxiety attacks got worse and worse. I began to skip class. Everyday I had to struggle with the thought of ending it all. But I started to force myself out of isolation, and things got better. I was surprised to find out that my ex was wrong…people did actually love me, and after my whole life of hating everything about myself I can finally call myself beautiful. ( even though I’m still a big gal! Lol)
Things will get better. I do still struggle with bipolar disorder, but it’s not as unbearable. Keep on going!!! People love you more than you know! You’re so beautiful, and strong and you WILL get through this. I promise.
I’m always open to talk to anyone.